Friday, November 30, 2007

Memelicious II: Electric Boogaloo

Since it's Friday, and I'm simply EXHAUSTED from having worked five full days this week, I'm going to accept the challenge from sauntering soul and do another meme. (It's my blog, and I can meme if I want to, meme if I want to.)

The Rules are:
Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take.
Tag 5.

Okay, first is the class from her list that I would take with her. I have long felt that someone implanted a butt-magnetic device into my couch when I wasn't looking, and that said magnetic device is the sole reason that my butt stays so firmly affixed to said couch. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) But perhaps this class would help me to remove the butt-magnet.

Motivate yourself to get off the couch more!
Do you come home from work, put on your pajamas, make yourself some dinner and head straight to the couch to numb your tired overworked brain with blogging and reality TV? No? Me neither. But if you do, take this course which will give you insider secrets to making your evenings more productive. Learn how to (a) go for an actual walk for some actual exercise; (b) maybe do a load of laundry so you have clean socks tomorrow; (c) organize your personal paperwork and pay those bills on time!; (d) volunteer to help others in your community; and (e) buy birthday presents ahead of time rather than stressing yourself out trying to pick something from the only drugstore that's open on your way to the birthday celebration. Don't just sit there on your right now!

Okay, now my classes.

Learn how to stop taking in stray cats!

Do people get a "oh, she's one of those crazy ladies" look on their face when you tell them how many cats you have--and you actually cut the real number in half? Do you consider cat hair a legitimate fashion accessory? Can you toss a hairball-yacking cat off the side of the bed without even waking up? This class will help you to STEP AWAY FROM THE KITTENS! Special electronics instruction on the correct way to safely disconnect the flashing neon visible-only-to-feline-eyes "vacancy" sign over your door.

Come to understand men.

Bwaaaaaaa!!!! There ain't no understandin' 'em. You just gotta love 'em. Or give up on them entirely and just have cats. Your call.

Learn to De-clutter Your Home.

This class will enable you to realize that NOT keeping every single plastic tub, butter dish, etc., that crosses your path for your entire adult life will (probably) not worsen global warming significantly, and/or bring Al Gore to your house for a personal chastisement. (Probably. But if he does come, it will be with Powerpoint and pointer.) You will also learn that it's okay to get rid of shoes/clothes you haven't worn in years (But what if that style comes back?--No talking in class, missy.), and that the IRS probably isn't interested in your 20-year-old bank statements. Perhaps you don't need to keep (and pack in boxes and move, and pack in boxes and move, repeat ad nauseam) every single book you've ever purchased in your life, especially if you haven't read it in years and/or it dates back to that somewhat embarrassing "historical romance" phase from high school. Your childhood diary? Oh, that you can keep. That "historical romance" is comedy gold.

Say no to that third slice of pizza.
I wish I had attended this class earlier today, then I might be a tad less miserable right now. (It's the owner of my company's birthday. In addition to the pizza, there was rotel dip and chips, and Italian cream cake. My tummy hurts.) But really, how do you eat a sensible amount of "Pizza of the Gods"? There are artichoke hearts on there, for pete's sake! And garlic! And provolone cheese! And mushrooms! And tomatoes! And olive oil! Why, it's practically health food, right? Right?

Okay, that's enough learning for one day. I'm going to slump over here at my desk and revel in my misery for the rest of the day. If I'm still this uncomfortable tonight, I can always take a nice relaxing soak with the delightful l'Occitane relaxation kit that was part of my contest prize package from -r-. Thanks, -r-!

Oh, and tagging five? I'm too tired. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. You know, if you want. Whatever. Slump.


-R- said...

Yay! I'm glad the package arrived!

Stefanie said...

I could use those last two myself. I had FOUR pieces of pizza last night, followed, naturally, by a thick slice of tiramisu. (I know I spelled that wrong, but Firefox's spell checker is not giving me a helpful suggestion with which to replace it and I am too lazy to look it up.) Also too lazy to do anything to work off that pizza and tiramisu, apparently.

Sion said...

I thought turamisu was a dip. Or was that tiramisu on a thick slice of something?sion

Sauntering Soul said...

Thanks for playing along! Great job! I need to take all of your courses except the cat one. I only have one cat and she might kill me in my sleep if I decided to bring in another one.

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