Friday, March 02, 2007

Friday Flotsam. Now with Added Jetsam.


I've gotten some interesting google searches in my sitemeter lately. I'll share some of them with you:

"orange fungus on my garage door" - Huh? Well, I'm not sure why that brought you here, but my condolences. That sounds icky!

"product endorsement letter" - Again, not sure why you're here, but if you're wanting to write a "product endorsement letter," how about you just list all the things you love about said product. You letter form. You're welcome!

"dreaming of a dead pet" - Okay, I've done it (though I'm not sure I've ever blogged about it), and that just makes me sad. :(

"why would someone sleep with a knife under their pillow" - Well, I can come up with a myriad of reasons. Starting with "there may be a crazed criminal lurking in my backyard!" and ending with "I'm a homicidal maniac and plan to murder my bedmate in his/her sleep."

"Madonna in a broken arm cast" - Okay, whatever floats your boat.

And my personal favorite:

"Tulsa crystal meth blog" - Now, admittedly, I've never been quite sure where I'm going with this blog, but I can assure you, it will NEVER be a "crystal meth blog." Yikes. Though that might be fun to read. I'm imagining it to be a bit run-on, probably in ALL CAPS, lacking in focus, and lacking in any punctuation other than !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And despite any possible tendencies of mine to ramble and lack focus, I'm generally pretty good with punctuation, in all its various forms. Hee.

My spam content has been pretty lackluster lately, but there have been some good subject lines. Here are some of my faves:

"The Minus on Promiscuity" - Wait, there's a MINUS?!

"Looking for perfect sex" - Well, aren't we all? That's the point of all the promiscuity, isn't it?

"Mean-spirited food stamp" - Man, that sucks. Like the impoverished don't have it rough enough, without their food stamps hatin' on 'em.

"Best place to find care for your disease" - I wasn't really aware that I had a "disease," but thanks for the concern.

"on go maroon" - Huh? I mean, seriously...WTF?

"Because he was." - I love the simple declarative nature of this. "Because he was." Ah, of course. Because he WAS.

Speaking of garage doors, I would like to share with you all the joyous news that my landlord just bought me a new one. Pretty! (With no "orange fungus" anywhere.) And not falling apart! It's very exciting for me to have a landlord that will actually pay for improvements. Sadly, this has not always been the case. I should blog about THAT some day.

And now, apropos of nothing, I will leave you with this photo of my great-great grandparents. Don't they look thrilled to be here?


Sparkling Cipher said...

Hey, I got the "looking for perfect sex" spam, too. I deleted it. Not that I have anything against perfect sex, but I have a feeling they were just going to offer some "all natural vitamin" to increase my penis size. Even if I had one of those, I don't think I'd be interested. ;)

Stinkypaw said...

Some of those searches are hilarious - makes you wonder who and how they land on your blog, doesn't it?

When it comes to spam, well that's a whole other story! All about sex and drugs! And all for sell! Scary! What about free sex and drug samples, hun?

I don't know what it was in those days, but all pictures I've seen from that time they always look "thrilled"! Talk about "the good old days"! ;-)

gorillabuns said...

so, did you check to see if there is a tulsa crystal meth blog in existence?

don't call me MA'AM said...

Sometimes, it scares me to see what brings people to my blog via search engines. Are people REALLY out there looking for that? Yikes!!!

Although, now that I think about it, I'm quite curious about the orange fungus growing on someone's garage door.

dionna said...

Can I ask a dumb question? What program do you use to see those google searches?

Noelle said...

When I look at the site search terms, I wish I could go and help the people who didn't find what they were looking for on my blog. Back in December right after I signed up for Google Analytics I had a dozen hits of "What Hangs on the Tannenbaum?" which completely confused me until I realized that some schoolteacher probably asked her kids a trivia question to guess that Tannenbaum=Christmas Tree. I hope they found the answer in my site.

And for all the crystal meth addicts in Tulsa, don't you just want to let them know it will be okay if they just stop doing drugs? Maybe not.

georgeious said...

duh, don't people know that the meth labs are in the boonies out past catoosa? who'd look for meth in tulsa proper? losers.

oh, and you finally got a good landlord! now you see why i miss nelson and bernie and my old apartment so much.

stefanie said...

Congrats on the fungus-less garage door. It's important to appreciate the small things in life, is it not?

As for the knife question... Yikes.

maliavale said...

That photo is so killer! I love it.

lizgwiz said...

sparkling, I'm amazed at the number of offers I get regarding my "penis." What do they know that I don't know? ;)

stinkypaw, I really do wonder sometimes what the heck people think they're going to find with those searches. And yes, nobody knew how to smile in the "olden days," it seems!

gorillabuns, I did not. I think I will now, though. ;)

dcmm, I think it's the "orange" part that freaks me out. ORANGE fungus? Yikes.

dionna, I use Sitemeter. You can check "referrals" and it shows you the origins of your hits. Blogger Help can show you how to install it (or one of several other statistic counters).

noelle, What DOES hang on the Tannenbaum? Hee. I'd be surprised if a crystal meth addict took the time to google such things--maybe it was a law enforcement officer trying to make his job easier? Like all meth labs are listed on a blog somewhere? I don't know.

george, so far my landlord's been great. I've never actually MET him, which is weird. (I rented the place through a leasing agent.)

Maybe I should google "Catoosa crystal meth blog" and see what comes up.

stef, I know. Who would google a question like that? Someone who found a knife under her pillow and didn't know where it came from?

malia, I love it, too. I love old black-and-white photography anyway, generally, but the fact that they're my ancestors makes it even more fun.

Anonymous said...

Who do you look more like, your GG-Frandmother or GG-Frandfather?


lizgwiz said...

jef, I don't see much of myself in either of them, really. Although I did use to have a habit of wearing big, clunky boots with dresses (much to my mother's chagrin), and it seems GGGrandma did the same! Hee.