Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Anonymous

I'm supposed to write something torrid. I'm supposed to write something scandalous. I'm supposed to tell you my deep, dark secrets and say all the things that I never could. That's what I'm supposed to do. But here's the thing. My life doesn't suck. It could be so much worse.

This is not to say I haven't had some crappy things in my life. I grew up in a religion that restricting my very being. By being a woman I was less than. I was molested by my grandfather at the age of 10. My husband and my aunt are the only ones that know. That same grandparent was awful to my parents in every single way. And I have born the that along with what else he inflicted upon me and them. My family left the religion we were in when I was 16. They moved away and left me to live with my grandparents. The SAME grandfather. I slept with a locked door every night. I was the one that bore the brunt of the ridicule and the accusations and the shunning of people that were supposed to be my friends. They mocked me, the put me down, they literally turned their backs on me. At school I was ignored at best. And that's when I wasn't being bullied. In response to these things I have become sharp, sometimes hard and occasionally mean. I'm impatient. I'm not who I can and should be.

But this weekend I spent my time with my family. My husband, my SIL and her family and my immediate family. And the love that I have in my life overshadows anything else that I have experienced. My sisters (blood and in-law) are my best friends. They would do anything for me. My brothers are good, strong men and are always there. My parents are kind, supportive and the voice of reason. And my husband? He is my life. My love. My BFF. He is everything I need and nothing I ever expected. And yesterday I stopped taking birth control. There's my secret. No one knows that.

My life is good. It is beautiful. There are many things I could focus to show how not so good it has been but I can't. I won't. Not anymore. I'm letting it all go. I'm embracing my beautiful, wonderful life for all it is and I'm living it. To the fullest.

15 comments:

Allie said...

Good for you. I admire your strength.

3carnations said...

You've overcome a lot. Good for you.

NO ONE knows about the birth control - Surely your husband knows?

lizgwiz said...

You sound like a very strong person. Congrats for making it through the hard times, and good luck on your future...endeavors. ;)

Tess said...

This is such a hopeful and wonderful post. You deserve to feel this way.

-R- said...

I want to reiterate what the other commenters already wrote.

And the decision to stop taking birth control is so exciting. Good luck!

abbersnail said...

You are amazing. Thank you for sharing this. You gave me a nice reality check this morning!

Courtney said...

Wow. So many people would have wallowed in self-pity forever, and understandably so, but you're taking the high road. That's inspiring.

I hope you get to create a baby and give it the perfect childhood that you missed out on.

Miss Pants said...

Wow. That is a lot to go through. I am glad that you have a strong support system now.

Sauntering Soul said...

You have been through so much. I'm glad you've grown into the type of person that feels blessed because you are focusing on the good rather than the bad things that have happened in your past. Lots of luck to you and your husband!

NGS said...

Please let your husband know if he doesn't already!! Good luck to you.

Christine said...

Good for you on everything! Really that's just an amazing story.

newduck said...

This post is so short, and so simple, but it brought tears to my eyes. And then I read it again, and it just made me cry. But in a good way. Thank you for this.

Stinkypaw said...

There's no better feeling than letting go, good for you!

greenduckiesgirl said...

Wow. This is unbelievably sweet and sad at once. Good for you for your positive attitude!

Martin said...

This is such a hopeful and wonderful post. You deserve to feel this way.