I'm supposed to write something torrid. I'm supposed to write something scandalous. I'm supposed to tell you my deep, dark secrets and say all the things that I never could. That's what I'm supposed to do. But here's the thing. My life doesn't suck. It could be so much worse.
This is not to say I haven't had some crappy things in my life. I grew up in a religion that restricting my very being. By being a woman I was less than. I was molested by my grandfather at the age of 10. My husband and my aunt are the only ones that know. That same grandparent was awful to my parents in every single way. And I have born the that along with what else he inflicted upon me and them. My family left the religion we were in when I was 16. They moved away and left me to live with my grandparents. The SAME grandfather. I slept with a locked door every night. I was the one that bore the brunt of the ridicule and the accusations and the shunning of people that were supposed to be my friends. They mocked me, the put me down, they literally turned their backs on me. At school I was ignored at best. And that's when I wasn't being bullied. In response to these things I have become sharp, sometimes hard and occasionally mean. I'm impatient. I'm not who I can and should be.
But this weekend I spent my time with my family. My husband, my SIL and her family and my immediate family. And the love that I have in my life overshadows anything else that I have experienced. My sisters (blood and in-law) are my best friends. They would do anything for me. My brothers are good, strong men and are always there. My parents are kind, supportive and the voice of reason. And my husband? He is my life. My love. My BFF. He is everything I need and nothing I ever expected. And yesterday I stopped taking birth control. There's my secret. No one knows that.
My life is good. It is beautiful. There are many things I could focus to show how not so good it has been but I can't. I won't. Not anymore. I'm letting it all go. I'm embracing my beautiful, wonderful life for all it is and I'm living it. To the fullest.