Monday, February 09, 2009

4,367 reasons why it sometimes sucks to live alone

I did my semi-annual "purging of no-longer-edible food items" yesterday. (Instead of going to church. Cleanliness is next to godliness, right?) I cleaned out the refrigerator and the pantry. They weren't in horrible shape, truthfully; I made a resolution the last time I moved that I would never let the new refrigerator get all that bad, and I've mostly kept it. There were only a couple of "mystery" tupperware containers to be cleaned out.

Still, though...there were the half-empty jar of mayonnaise, the nearly empty jars of mysterious pickled things, the half-dozen half-empty bottles of salad dressing purchased in my ongoing attempt to find JUST the right one. The carton of rice milk I never quite finished before it went bad--which complemented nicely the box of organic raisin bran I never quite finished, either. A couple of boxes of crackers, going nicely stale. (Those go to the birds, of course.) I don't know why I buy those individual packs of crackers in BULK, either--who am I kidding? Oh sure, they're cheaper that way--but not if you end up throwing the last half of them away.

And then there were the 4,367 little packets of parmesan cheese and peppers from the carryout pizza place between work and home. I didn't really count them, of course...but that's a pretty close approximation. I'm a little embarrassed by how many there were--although it completely explains why, when I pull into the drive-thru, the workers holler out the window, "Hello, Miss Liz!" Heh. There seemed to be an equal number of little packs of Captain's Wafers, thoughtfully provided when I order a side salad to go with my pizza/pasta/garlic bread/nachos, etc. Except I don't LIKE crackers WITH my side salad, so into the pantry they go, since I feel guilty about throwing them out.

I didn't throw them out yesterday, either...I painstakingly opened each tiny little plastic package, and took the resulting banquet outside for the birds. The starlings and sparrows were much appreciative. The mean old mockingbird took a few, scattering the starlings and sparrows each time he made a pass. There was a plucky squirrel vying for crumbs. And one disinterested robin walked nearby, looking disdainfully at the crackers and shouting "Where's the BEEF? I WORM?" I freshened up the water in the birdbath, and they all took a post-brunch dip, completely ignoring my warnings to wait an hour after eating to swim! You'll get a cramp!

Yes, I realize that I sound completely insane. I didn't really shout at the birds. Not OUT LOUD, anyway.

And my point? Food should come in smaller packages for single people. Yeah, yeah...I know it does, sometimes...but it's not CHEAPER to buy it that way. It should come in smaller packages AND be correspondingly cheaper. It's only fair.

So, what else went on this weekend? Another pleasant date with Mr. Short Term. (Thai food this time. We are perfect dining companions.) Some beautiful, beautiful weather. We had our monthly women's drunken potluck last night, and I wore sandals and sat outside. At the same time. Lovely.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll come to the defense of Jessica Simpson (I know!) and Michael Phelps, but for now I'm going to leave you.

Interview questions have been sent today to flurrious and greenduckiesgirl, so you'll want to check that out, I'm sure. I sent some of the same questions to them both, because I am lazy...I mean, because I want to get their different takes on them, of course. That's the ticket. I'm sure they will make my silly questions into very funny reading.


3carnations said...

Do you want us to start the list for you? :)

Sorry if something has you bummed out. :(

lizgwiz said...

Sorry--a button got pushed before it should have. It's better now.

3carnations said...

We also end up with sadly wasted items in our refrigerator, so having additional people won't solve all your food woes.

We always have wasted mayonnaise, because we rarely use, but occasionally need, mayonnaise.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Sandals? Outside? How novel!

Sauntering Soul said...

It's going to be in the upper 60's and low 70's here all week. Sadly, I haven't had a pedicure since December so I will not be wearing any sandals.

And I agree that they should make smaller packages of stuff for those of us who live alone. We must have been on the same wavelength yesterday - I dumped out half of a garbage bag full of stuff from my refrigerator.

Stinkypaw said...

I remember shopping at Costco when living alone, and splitting everything with 2 other girlfriends, also single... and still we managed to waste stuff. At least you made the birds happy.

I just can't believe you wore sandals over outside, I can't even think of wearing shoes yet... argh.

Stefanie said...

For years I've said my million-dollar idea is a grocery store that caters specifically to single people... everything available in smaller quantities, and sales like "30% off this item" instead of "buy one pound, get a second pound free." (I don't need two pounds of ANYTHING!)

flurrious said...

I don't throw too much out, but that's probably because I cook more than I eat out. But bread items are always a problem. I need to find a place that sells hamburger buns in packages of one.

I am so jealous that you're outside in sandals. It's been snowing here the last two days, for the second time this winter. This is the craziest weather year we've ever had.

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to the Jessica Simpson post!

Anonymous said...

OOH, sandals? Really? I am so jealous. Although I tried to leave the house without a coat on Monday because it was 35 degrees. Apparently in my mind, that means I don't need a coat. My roommate (who I am training for when she has kids) quashed that idea quickly.

I checked my email and do not appear to have questions from you. I am broken hearted and wondering what I have done wrong (probably provided the wrong email address because that's what I do all the time. It's greenduckiesgirl AT comcast DOT net).

It's possible to waste food even when you don't live alone. My roommate and I are constantly having to get rid of excellent food just because we don't use the perfectly good food saver right away to freeze stuff and then decide we're not in the mood to eat the leftovers for 3 days in a row.

I did enjoy the bird commentary, I am a big, big fan of birds. And long comments apparently.