Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Caged Heat

From the pen of Paris Hilton, Incarceration Day One:

Well, here I am in the pokey. LOL...I said pokey.

My mother said I should take this time for reflection. WhatEVER. She doesn't know how hard that is in here!!! I've been looking in this piece of shit mirror for HOURS, and I can hardly even see my reflection! I can tell that I still look HOTT, though. Orange is sexy.

Omigod, this toilet is disgusting. I'm afraid if I sit on it I'll end up with a firecrotch. LOL. I can't believe I'm in here and that bitch gets off with rehab. It's so unfair. Why does everyone hate me? I can't help it that I'm so much hotter than everyone else. They're just jealous of me!!!

Omigod, my memwa...memo...mammary...my BOOK about my ink...encar...insurr...jail time is going to be so hott. It's going to be all about how totally misunderstood I am. And what a model prisoner I am. I love modeling! Modeling is HOTT. I wonder when the runway show starts.


stefanie said...

I think Paris is a brilliant and misunderstood soul who only wants to give good things to the world.

No. Really. Why are you laughing?


Anonymous said...

I hate to say this but I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels like she should be in the GP and getting shanked.


Metalia said...

Hee! Love this, Liz.

Sparkling Cipher said...

Ha. Funny.

On a serious note, I saw on E! where she was on the red carpet and someone asked her about going to jail. It was the first time I heard her not sound like a totally shallow, self-indulgent twit. Maybe jail will save her from spending her entire life as a useless hag.

NancyPearlWannabe said...

Did you see the postcards the NY Post had to send to Paris? Awesome.

Stinkypaw said...

ok then