Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's definitely love.

With the Vegan Citrus Sparerib Cutlets, of course. The orange "chicken" and pepper "steaks" were nothing to write home about.

So, how was my weekend with the boy? Fine. We did manage to tame my overgrown shrubs and flowerbeds. (Totally not a euphemism, by the way. Though I have used lawn and garden-related euphemisms in the past, this time it's a straight up reference to shrub trimming. Heh.) He suffers from a stereotypical male problem--the inability to distinguish between a "flower" and a "weed," but...we managed not to come to blows. (That's not a euphemism, either.) We ate Indian food. We had a slightly unpleasant encounter with a jerk police officer. (Not that interesting a story--the guy was just a dillweed. Heh.) I took him to a park he hadn't experienced yet, and we walked among the rock chasms. It was nice.

This week he is working the closing shift at the restaurant every night, which sucks. His brother and I are alternating picking him up, but other than that, I won't see him until the weekend.

Okay reply to the "you like him" squeals in response to my last post, yes...I do like him. More than I thought I would. I admit it. But...

There's always a "but," isn't there? The fly in the proverbial ointment?

BUT...I still don't think this is really a long-term relationship, and I'll tell you why. Skipping over the few petty things he does that irritate me--'cause those certainly aren't deal breakers, and I'm sure he could come up with an equivalent list about me--here it is in a nutshell: it seems he wants to have kids.

How do I know this? Because he has, more than once, asked if I'd like to have kids. With him. No ambiguity there.

Now, a desire to have children (whether or not it's being urged on him by his mother, which I suspect may be true) is a perfectly normal desire for a 39-year-old man. However, as I have told him, more than once, if that is the case, then that 39-year-old man needs to get over his preference for older women and try a little harder to find some interest in the younger ones. 'Cause this particular older woman AIN'T HAVIN' NO BABIES. I'm 46 years old, and that ship has sailed.

Now, technically, I don't know that it has literally sailed. Aunt Flo still makes her regular visits, and I haven't tested my FSH levels to see if the machinery is truly starting to shut down, but the fact remains that most women of my age can only get (and stay) pregnant with some difficulty. And I absolutely DO know that I am not spiritually or emotionally up for later life first-time motherhood. My knees are creaking, my dollar store reading glasses are getting stronger each year, I'm staring down the barrel of 50--I think that's the universe's way of saying "how about a nice cat and a good book, instead."

So, I tell him this, quite clearly, he says he was just kidding, and he doesn't really like babies, anyway--"expensive, noisy, messy, every day wah,wah,wah"--but then he brings it up AGAIN. Part of me thinks the nicest thing to do would be to break it off now, and send him on his way before HE gets any older. But then another part of me says "fuck it." I've been honest with him, he's a grown man who can make his own decisions (at least in theory--in actuality he's in many ways an overgrown boy), and I'm having fun. I deserve some fun, at this point. If he really wants to father a child, then HE needs to man up and make the choices necessary for that to happen.

So, MY plan is this: we continue to enjoy each other's company for as long as we enjoy each other's company, and if, at some point, he wants to stop seeing me and pursue someone who will eagerly have his children, hard feelings. Or, conversely, if I want to stop seeing him and pursue someone with no desire to have children, hard feelings.

We'll see how well this plan works, I guess, huh?


3carnations said...

I'm only 34 and I've thrown my back out twice this year, so yeah...I see what you're saying.

Um...Not that you're at this point right now in your relationship, but down the line, would you consider being an adoptive first time mom at this point in your life? My body most likely is not up for another pregnancy, but if the opportunity presented itself, I would love another baby.

Anonymous said...

Preaching to the choir! One of the things I was grateful for my ablation surgery (other than no more daily Aunt Flo) was that, when presented with the "You should have kids" I could simply say "I can't" instead of "I don't want babies." Because that is apparently a euphemism for "I am a serial killer." I have thought of adopting but I'd want an older child - maybe 16? I like teenagers. Yes, I am quite possibly insane.

As for Mr. Med? I think you should have fun as long as it lasts. You deserve it. You've made things perfectly clear to him.

Stinkypaw said...

Sounds like a plan! Have fun while you can and want to, enjoy m'dear, enjoy!

Sauntering Soul said...

I say have fun for as long as it works for both of you.

Hot Brazilian just turned 43 and I'll be 41 in a few months. There are no babies in our future. We discussed that about two years ago and I was thrilled we agreed on the subject.

Stefanie said...

You're right: you have been honest and up front with him, and you DO deserve to have fun! So don't worry about it. Not now, anyway.

And I was going to propose possibly adopting an older kid, too, but I see that's already been covered. ;-) Though I think it's more than OK for you to decide cats and dogs are children enough for you.

Vee said...

Yes, you most certainly deserve fun. You have been clear on your position..heheh.(sorry) I don't even think age should be a factor. If you are happy without kids then that is wonderful. I do have to admit I am still surprised at the number of mildly shocked looks i get when I tell people we dont want kids. and its not because we hate them...God I hate it when they ask that or if i am reproductively challenged. off the subject...Go have fun...Lots of it!

Anonymous said...

Maybe if you just put a padlock on your uterus he'd finally get the picture. You know, because some boys are visual like that.

flurrious said...

I'm 45 and if someone were to ask me if I might like to get pregnant, I would probably want to get that person some form of standardized testing.