Thursday, April 23, 2009

Pros and Cons

I'm sure you're all wondering how it went with Hot Med last weekend, so I'll tell you.

I actually ended up seeing him both Saturday and Sunday nights, so clearly it wasn't too painful, right? Hee.

Saturday night he made me spaghetti at his house, then we watched TV and became frustrated at the lack of privacy at his place. His sister and nephew were there--they're lovely people, but the apartment is really just too small for them all, plus they go to bed really early, in the living room, and then it just gets kind of awkward. So I didn't stay too late. Which made Hot Med sad, so I said I'd probably see him the next day.

Sunday afternoon I went to a birthday party, and then picked him up and brought him back to my place. We'd both already eaten, so there was no kitchen struggle. Heh. I made him watch the Amazing Race with me (which he seemed to enjoy--lots of action), and then...well...I did mention that I am physically attracted to him, right? (Which is sort of a welcome relief, after all the "nice guy no sparks" dates.) And he keeps telling me how beautiful I am? I'm only human, people!

So, anyway, it was a pleasant evening. I haven't seen him since, as I've been busy with lawn-mowing, Fridiron rehearsal, etc. Which I explained to him would be the case, and I think he understood. I'm assuming we'll probably get together tomorrow night or Saturday (or both), then I'm tied up with the show the next several days.

I'll admit that he seems to be growing on me in some ways...but I still really can't see this being a longterm thing. He doesn't seem particularly motivated to get back into ESL classes ("you teach me"--um, no), and I just don't think there will be the intellectual stimulation I will need as the new wears off, so to speak.

Here are the pros and cons, as I see them:


  • he thinks I'm beautiful
  • he tells me so repeatedly
  • he is gentlemanly
  • he likes to cook for me
  • I find him attractive
  • he has a nice family


  • we can't carry on a conversation
  • he's not particularly intellectually curious, it seems
  • he doesn't drive, has no car, and doesn't live particularly close to me
  • he can be a bit controlling
  • he had the nerve to suggest I go to the gym with him--while his hand was resting on my belly (he's lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump--to his credit, he did immediately apologize and tell me again how beautiful I am)

So, I'm kind of being a guy, I guess. Heh. You know, continuing to see someone with whom I don't really see a future, because it's fun for the time being. No harm, no foul, right? I've been very clear with him that I am only interested in dating at this point--no "boyfriend," no "marry." (He did actually ask me my "intentions," so to the form of a multiple choice question, those being the three possible answers.) My conscience is really clear on that point...and yet I still feel a little bad. Damned liberal white guilt! Why can't I just enjoy myself and not feel like I'm leading him on? He's a grownup, I've been honest with him--if he wants to continue seeing me under these conditions, I have no reason to feel guilty, right? After all, I willingly kept seeing Mr. Short Term for a while, in a similar situation, and I bear him no ill will.

So, that's where it stands. I'm just planning to let it play out for a bit, and see how I feel as it goes.

What would YOU do?


3carnations said...

Wow. If I didn't "know" you, I might have thought this was written by a guy.

As long as you've been clear about your intentions, or lack thereof, then I say go you.

As far as I what I would do? Well, I never was good at not getting attached, so I couldn't do what you're doing without eventually (and by eventually, I mean pretty quickly) wanting it to be more than it is.

Mary said...

Hard to turn away a man who will cook for you. And if he can, uh, tickle your fancy, too, so much the better!

The point that disturbs me is the controlling thing. How can he fully understand the casual nature of this situation and be controlling at the same time? That has got to be hard to maneuver. Good luck to you on that.

Changing the subject for a sec: Could you please stop by my blog today? I'm trying to pick a headshot for my audition this weekend & I could use your in-put.

Sauntering Soul said...

What would I do? I would do exactly what you're doing. If you're enjoying the time you spend with him and you've made it clear (which you have) that you're only interested in casually dating, then I think what you're doing is fine. However, if the controlling thing gets out of hand you might have to re-think things.

Miss Pants said...

No problem dating like a guy for a bit...though controlling is a bit scary, as is the gym suggestion while his hand is resting on your BELLY! So I say casually date him until he pisses you off and you don't want to bother anymore. :)

Stefanie said...

Well, I've often said I'm the guy in many of my dating scenarios, so you'll get no guilt from me on this. I agree with Pants, as of course I often do. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I am thinking that you are living my dream life. A Hot Med who thinks I'm beautiful and wants to cook for me? The only thing that would make it better is if he was an evil genius android. I have got to stop watching Science Fiction and Action movies.

Seriously though, I think you're probably good. There may be problems down the line, especially with the controlling parts. But for now, enjoy yourself.

flurrious said...

I would probably not be ... watching The Amazing Race with a guy this soon into the relationship, but that's just what's right for me. I tend to be a waiter (in the time sense, not the bringing plates of food sense). If you feel like this is right for you, and he understands that it's nothing serious or at least nothing serious right now, then you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Stinkypaw said...

If you can truly enjoy it and he FULLY understands it, then go for it!

3carnations said...

I love the statement from Flurrious. Watching The Amazing Race is a big step in a relationship. Heh.

Envelope Printing said...

Well really think about what you like in him. Personally, I'd have to be with someone who I can carry an intellectual conversation with. I can't picture years from now, being together without being able to talk about stuff. So for me that's what's important. But it really depends, figure out how you really feel about the person and from there on move forward :)