If I only had the noive

I wish I was just a little bit braver.


Why? Well, there's a good old-fashioned "salvation and healing" tent revival going on in a field down the street from my house, and I must confess, I'm very curious to take a peek at the action. I was a Methodist before I was an Episcopalian, and neither of those denominations is exactly known for...physical exuberance in worship, let's just say. I imagine this tent revival is rife with hands in the air, whooping and hollering, and probably a little Benny Hinn-style "healing." I KNOW the gospel music is raising the rafters (do tents have rafters?) because I can hear it, wafting through the air for almost a mile. And, since I live in the historically African-American part of town, I'm guessing that music is wafting with a lot of soul!


So I'm curious. But I'm also Episcopalian for a reason. I love some good soulful gospel music, but the rest of it makes me a bit uncomfortable. No offense to any of you pew jumpers out there--it just ain't my thang. So I'll probably stay away. I wouldn't want to end up like a friend of mine, who visited a more charismatic church than he was used to years ago, and ended up trapped in a room with a couple of fellows who were determined that he would speak in tongues before they'd let him out. Seriously--WTF? Is that any way to bring people to God? Intimidation? I guess the "hellfire and brimstone" preachers have been using that technique for years, but it sure doesn't jibe with what I know of Jesus, who was one peace-loving, liberal, righteous dude!


Okay, moving on.


I still have the stray dog, if anyone was wondering. No miraculous adoption story. Dolly and McBeady suddenly decided to move their base of operations to the front yard and porch--out of concern for me, I'm sure. (Yeah, right.) I've been able to let Wiley have more use of the backyard, which means less early morning and late night dog-walking for me, so that's good. He still spends most of his time crated, though, which makes me sad, but doesn't really seem to bother him. I suppose anything is a step up from wandering around hungry, eating dried worms in the street. Which he still does, actually--I guess some habits are hard to break. Either that or dried worms are yummier than they look. Blech. If they make his story into an animated feature, the title can be "How to Eat Dried Worms." Hee.


Yesterday was Day 91 of the diet and exercise initiative. I can't believe it's been that long. Time flies when you're not eating cheese, I guess! Really, though, it's going well. The weight's coming off very gradually, a couple of pounds a week, which seems frustratingly slow, but is probably a pretty healthy pace. I ordered a couple of new workout videos which should be a little more demanding, and maybe that will bump things up a bit, but slow and steady wins the race, right?


Is anyone but me watching "Big Medicine" and "Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic" on TLC? We are just really fucked up in regards to weight in this country, aren't we? I've struggled with my weight all my life, so I have sympathy for others who suffer, believe me, but I also think we've become way too eager for a magic bullet. Nobody wants to work at it. They all just want gastric bypass, like that's the answer to all their problems. I know a couple of people who've had the surgery, and I think sometimes it can be a big help, but it shouldn't be done lightly, and it seems like we're heading in that direction.


All it does is make your stomach smaller, limiting your caloric intake. It doesn't do anything to your brain. And come on, someone who weighs 400 pounds or more isn't JUST dealing with a bad draw in the metabolism lottery--let's get real. And yes, they still do psychological counseling pre-surgery, but so far, the only time I've seen the doctors on "Big Medicine" turn a patient away was when the patient's insurance company refused to cover it. They're doing this risky surgery on people who weigh 700 pounds, which makes the surgery even riskier, and are bedbound--people who can't possibly be overeating without some help. Look--you've got them in the hospital, you're controlling their caloric intake already--shouldn't you do everything possible to reduce their weight and work on their addictions before you cut them open?


Then at the other end of the spectrum, you've got "Brookhaven," where they regularly discourage people from leaping into surgery, and counsel instead a "strict" diet and exercise program. Laudable--but they let people cheat. They let their morbidly obese clients call local restaurants and have incredibly fattening food delivered TO THE CLINIC. They know they're cheating, but they don't do anything about it, because they want them to realize on their own what they need to do to change. Okay, I know addiction always comes down to the addict wanting to change, but I'm pretty sure that in drug rehabs, they don't just look the other way when someone calls for a heroin delivery!


Okay, I don't even know where I'm going with all this. It's a complex issue. We, as a society, obviously have some issues. Many of us are way too fat, others of us are way too thin. I just know that I'm not letting anyone cut open my stomach until I have done my darndest to suck it up and lose weight the old-fashioned way. I'm not letting them cut me open, I'm not taking a drug that makes me stain my pants--I'm going to keep plugging away with my little workouts, I'm not going to drive when I can walk, I'm going to take the stairs whenever I can, I'm going to keep working on building a healthier relationship with food, and I'm going to see what happens. Day 100 is just around the corner!


Okay, now let's get completely frivolous--how fabulous is "Scott Baio is 45...and Single"? Aww...poor tormented Chachi. And his little posse of friends. Here's a tip, Scott--forget about your emotional baggage, you need to lose that skeevy little hanger-on, Johnny V. (And, yay, it seems like his life coach addresses that very issue in future episodes!)

Seriously, Scott Baio will always have a special place in my heart. No, not because of Chachi or Charles, in charge or not. No, because of the Bob Loblaw Law Blog. Oh, Arrested Development, how I miss you. Sniff.