I'm thinking of joining a convent.

I'll just marry Jesus--I know he's a good guy. Heh.

Man, this online dating thing is just crazy, isn't it? I met He Who Shall, Etc., so quickly after joining last year that I really didn't get much of a taste. No such luck this time around, I fear.

I now have paid for one month (and one month only) at MeMarmony, Hayoo! Personals and, um...Catch.mom? Why, you ask? Well, I am either a sucker or a hopeless optimist. Or just plain old superstitious. 'Cause if someone contacts me, and I can't contact him back (due to lack of paid membership) I am instantly convinced that he is my soulmate, and I'm going to miss out on something wonderful if I don't hand over my card number immediately!

So, here's the wrap-up, so far:

MeMarmony: now in "open communication" with two guys...one of whom I have serious doubts about (he's a football coach, and I probably haven't closed the match primarily because I'm trying not to pre-judge him on that basis, but it's not looking good), and one of whom seems to be very nice guy, but with whom I have serious doubts about physical chemistry. Of course, I'm basing that solely on his tiny little thumbnail picture, which I think isn't fair...and which is why I'm continuing to chat with him. Maybe I owe him (and myself) a real-life meeting before I make that call.

I've closed one match...ironically, the one that prompted me to go ahead and pony up the membership fee in the first place. In answer to (and these are pre-fab questions, by the way...the verbiage is not mine) "What are your political beliefs?" he replied with something along the line of "I don't trust politicians but I supported Bush and still think he's a good man" (Stee-rike one!) and to "Do you have any pets? Which types of animals do you love to be around?" (again--verbiage not mine) with, and I quote, "Now Liz, I am a man, do you want me to tell you that cats are the most lovable pet and I love to be around them..............so what did you think!" Well, asshat, I thought you might answer with a straightforward "yes" or "no" or maybe an "I'm horribly allergic" or something. "I am a man"? What the hell does that have to do with anything? Oh, wait...do you mean to imply that "real" men couldn't possibly love cats? And, by the way, nowhere in my profile or previous communication had I EVER said what kind of pets I have. Way to make assumptions, dude. ("Stee-rikes two and three! You're out!")

Mr. Nice Guy with Possible "Chemistry" Problems above, by the way, has TWO cats, and would like to adopt more from the shelter, if he only had more room. Now, THAT is a real man. (And maybe another reason why I haven't axed him yet. Heh.)

Okay, on to Hayoo! Personals. Alert readers will recall that I mentioned having been given the phone number of a good-looking guy. Well, I called him last night. He was working, so I told him just to call me back when he was free. He called me back three times during the course of the evening, each time talking only a few minutes before saying there was something else work-related he needed to take care of. Okay...I can be considerate of work-related stuff. I'm less considerate of answering the same question over and over, though. See, he's a black man, and apparently he's had some sort of bad experience with a white woman (or women) just trying to satisfy her curiosity about black men. (He does actually mention this in his profile.) I can understand how that would be frustrating...but how many times do I have to defend my motives here? YES, I have dated black men before. But NO, I don't date ONLY black men. I'm looking for a GOOD man, regardless of skin color, and while YES, aesthetically I prefer darker skin, it's what's inside that's most important. I'm not looking to enact some sort of Mandingo fantasy here. Don't make me say it again! Sheesh. He had to hang up again, and said he'd call me later, and I said okay. I didn't realize, though, that "later" in this case meant 11:30 p.m., and when he called I didn't answer. 'Cause I was in bed. (I wasn't actually sleep, as it happens, I was talking to BFF, and when the call-waiting kicked in he was all "he is NOT actually calling you at this hour, is he? How rude!")

I sent him an email this morning, saying if he'd like to call at a time when he actually HAD time to talk, and if he would like to talk about something OTHER than the black/white thing, fine. If not...well, good luck to him in his search. (He's going to need it, methinks.)

Nothing else shaking on Hayoo!

This morning I got an email from someone at Catch.mom, which I couldn't look at because I wasn't an actual suck...subscriber, and because "oh my god what if it's my soulmate, etc.," I went ahead and joined and found an invitation for dinner Saturday night. From some guy in Kansas City, who comes to town once a month for business, and he's tired of having dinner alone in his hotel room while he's here, and since my profile is funny, and I'm a vegetarian (as is he), would I be willing to join him for dinner? And you know...I might. He gave me his cellphone number, and I think I'll call him later. I mean, what the hell, right? I'll get him to meet me at my favorite vegetarian restaurant, where they know me, and I'll be safe, and I'll let him buy me some crack noodles. And besides, he says English is his second language, and he's Jewish, so I'm hoping he'll have a yummy accent. (What can I say? I'm a sucker for an accent that isn't "redneck.")

And that's the story, morning glory. I suppose it's better than sitting at home moping about...Him, right? (Oh, and by "Him" I meant "He Who Shall Not Be Named," and not the aforementioned "Jesus." Heh.)