Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Give it up for your fabulous anonymous guest poster:

So Here Goes:

I am a girl. I am not a terribly girly girl. I don't wear make-up. I own four pairs of shoes that aren't flat, and two of those have never left the house attached to me. I have what other people call a 'dirty' job. This means I often break nails, I have callouses on my hands, and occasionally I come home smelling like I've rolled through a pile of poo. Because, sometimes it happens. Never for enjoyment, though.

At the same time, blogging world, I can be incredibly female. I straighten my hair. I have treatments with beauticians. I have way too many Kate Hudson and Anne Hathoway movies in my DVD collection. I also watch Grey's Anatomy, and cried when Denny died.

I have found that another way I am not a 'typical girl', is that I have put very little thought into my very own wedding. I have friends who are single, and know exactly what they want, down to how many white roses they want in every table centerpiece, and what colour ribbon these will be fastened with. Even though the logic of their chosen centerpiece suggests that the ribbon will not be seen, and is thus... a pointless expense.

Up until recently, that is. I had a long standing belief that a wedding should be something that is mutually agreed on, and that the only thing the bride should get to do completely on her own is pick a dress (and that's not even completely on her own.. she'll have bridesmaids to help her out). Because I like the idea of appearing all glowing-like at the end of an aisle and having Him damn near fall over when he sees me, because he will never have seen me like that before. (The downside of this is that he may peer down the aisle, think "She looks like a cream puff"...).

Strangely enough... Now I'm actually IN a relationship, IN love, and with someone I actually WANT to spend the rest of my life with, I have pondered the whole wedding thing. Not in great detail, because I still want a lot of it to be picked between us (What fun is picking a cake if there isn't a cake tasting appointment, and why would I want to do that without Him? We both like cake.) .. But I have ideas. I know I won't want it to happen in a church. I'm not convinced on having it in a park, or on a beach, or anywhere outdoors. Mostly because of the weather and it's uncanny ability to be crappy on days of importance.

I also know I want it to be classic (and in-expensive). Something that we can look back on with our kids and grandkids and not have them giggle at how daggy we look. I know this, because my mother's wedding dress is covered in marubu feathers while my dad wore a blue suit and also sported a mullet on their wedding day. I cannot help but laugh at this. It just looks.. so ... awful. I don't want my kids to laugh at us the way I laugh at my parents. (I'm also not convinced I didn't once say I would wear that dress. I was about 18 at the time, had just broken up with my first serious boyfriend, and convinced I would be alone forever, so there was little harm in saying I'd wear it when I was adamant I would be a crazy cat lady instead of a volvo-driving-soccer-mom/mum. My only hope is that she does not remember this. If she does, I have a cunning plan of simply denying everything.) I also know the girls I want in my bridal party. There are three of them, one is my sister. I don't know how many He will want, but if I get stuck on numbers... He has a sister (I'd put her in there over some of the girls who claim to be my 'friend' any day. And I haven't even met her yet). I also fully intend on sticking my niece in a cute little dress and putting flowers in her hair, and getting her to toss a few petals around. Mostly this is because she's cute and I want to see her doing that, rather than the fact that I want a flower girl chucking things around. Because I'm not actually convinced it's a good idea.. she's the kind of kid who would peg a handful of petals at the guests unlucky enough to be sitting on the aisle seats. I also know that based on my skin tone, regular gold isn't going to cut it. I'm all about the white gold, baby. Lucky my taste is understated and simple. Otherwise we'd need to sell my car in order to pay for such a thing. Besides, its not about what it looks like or how much it costs, or how many carots the rock in the engagement ring is. It's about what it MEANS, right? Hell, I'd be happy with a zirconia. It's still going to mean the same thing.

Now, marriage is not something I want to rush in to. Luckily, He is awesome and agrees. But, we have talked about the future in terms of He and I, being happily married, and punching out a couple of kids. (Actually... the kid thing... I'm not sure I've mentioned it to Him, but based on family running of the twin-gene, I'll be surprised if I don't end up having both our planned kids at once.... I've already put dibs on my sister's double pram, just in case. Even if I have single kids, it's still a pretty sweet pram. I could pimp it.). I just get a little weird when it comes up in conversation between us, because I'm never sure what to say. If I say anything about how I am All For marriage, He might think I really AM one of those 'I have a folder of wedding clippings under my bed, to fully display my vision' girls, and if I say anything about how I don't really think about it too much, He may think I really DON'T think about it at all, and thus am not interested in how many girls I'll have in my bridal party. I was nervous enough when somehow what names I liked for future children came up in conversation, just in case it came across as my having decided without him that we were going to have four-in-four or something. Which, I actually really don't want. I'm quite convinced two is enough.

The honest truth is I'm not overly fussed with a wedding. Which is yet another 'not so typically female' thing I've got going for me. All I'm concerned with is spending the rest of my life with him. I know who I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. I know who I want to raise my kids with. And I know He wants to wake up next to me, and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he wants me to be the mother of his children. And that while we're both enjoying every moment of being together, I also can't wait to start the rest of my life with him. REALLY start the rest of my life with him. In terms of living together, coming home to each other, cooking with each other and spending weekends cuddled in bed. MMHMM.

19 comments:

lizgwiz said...

It sounds like you have your head on straight, and your wedding AND marriage will both be lovely!

-R- said...

Oh, I like this post.

I think people either assume a woman is wedding crazy or doesn't care at all. There is definitely a happy medium! It is ok to have some ideas.

Jess said...

I had no idea what I wanted in a wedding until I got engaged either. But you know what's funny about that dress thing? Part of how I knew that my dress was right was that I saw it and immediately knew, absolutely KNEW, that Torsten would love it too. That was the first dress I'd seen where I hadn't worried that he would hate it. So even when you are picking out something that the groom doesn't get to give input on, his taste is still there, informing your decision.

L Sass said...

I had a well-developed fantasy about my wedding when I was single, but it's changed a bit after meeting AS. We're not engaged and we don't discuss our future wedding in detail, but I already find myself altering the fantasy to fit his passions.

Just because I dreamed about my wedding before I met him doesn't mean I'm not open minded!

Ween said...

I barely remember my wedding...but every morning when I wake up next to him I remember why I did it.

That's what matters.

Allie said...

I never really did the dream wedding thing in my head when I was single either. When I met my husband, I thought I was all in for a traditional wedding, but as I was planning it, it turns out I wasn't. We ran off and got married with the plan of having a big party to celebrate 5 years instead. Well, 5 years is next year, and I'm perfectly content spending my time with him, not planning anything.

Gwen said...

Congrats! Sounds to me like you've got your head on straight about the whole thing which is the best first step you could make. I hope your day is everything you want it to be!

Sauntering Soul said...

This was such a lovely post. I think your wedding day is going to be beautiful!

nancypearlwannabe said...

I never dreamed about a wedding, and still don't, really, but I do try to think about the little things that make everyday life with Chris important. You seem to have both, which is so great.

CityStreams said...

I second what Ween said.

Anonymous said...

I have a really hard time with women who spend months and months and thousands and thousands of dollars on ONE. DAY. In my opinion, it is much more important to spend the time, energy and money on the relationship, and leave the monogrammed napkins and perfect shade of ribbon out of it completely.

If I get married, I have every intention to elope.

Lara said...

I never thought about my wedding before I started planning it. Actually, that's not true: I was a bridesmaid 11 times before my wedding, so I developed a bit of a critic's eye and at least knew that i would have two specific things at my own wedding: (1) open bar; and (2) a bowl of nuts on the bar. My theory about #1 is obvious, but #2? That bowl of nuts offers single bridesmaids the opportunity to lurk at the bar for a while so single wedding guests can approach and flirt with them. :O)

Pants said...

A guy I used to date once asked me how many kids I wanted. I don't think that's something for me to decide on my own. Kids are an enormous decision and responsibility and it just seems creepy to have my entire life planned out with someone I haven't even met yet.

It sounds like you have good starting point of what you do/don't want that after talking it over with Him that both of your ideas will mesh into one.

Noelle said...

Wedding and marriage are two totally separate things. I hope that both of yours go well, and that you get your girliness out all you want!

Courtney said...

I think we may be kindred spirits. I am also unmarried but with someone I know I will marry at some point, but I am completely not worried about any wedding plans.

Besides, every married girl I know says she doesn't remember much about her own wedding.

The Reluctant New Yorker said...

I couldn't agree more. I've never even thought about my wedding, until I met the man I know I'll eventually marry. But I don't need the big, flashy wedding. Whatever we do and however we decide to do it, it will be something that reflects both our tastes. And anyway, it's all the stuff that comes after the wedding that's important.

Nic said...

The only reason I have thought about my future wedding is because I have planned and been to so freaking many (over two hundred). After that, ANY person develops strong preferences.

sarah said...

oh oh oh this is SO me. Before I was in the relationship I'm in now I didn't know what I really wanted in a wedding either, and the last paragraph?

My thoughts exactly. :D

Fianna said...

I also am one of the not really care type of girls. Now that I am with the one I want to marry, my thoughts have become even simpler, if that is possible... I would be fine with the ole JP and a honeymoon somewhere nice. As long as I am with him...who cares about the rest. Great post!