I was watching a bit of Jerry Springer on my lunch hour (I know--shut up!) and one of the two men competing for the affections of one "lovely" "lady" named "Rhonda" used his remarkable skill as a poet to try to get the edge over the other fellow. Who might be a brilliant poet, as well, but we would never know because he had a speech impediment which rendered him very nearly unintelligible. The only word Jerry and I made out clearly, when the guy attempted to articulate what made him the better man for Ms. Rhonda, was "psoriasis." Yeah, I'm not sure what that had to do with anything, either. But apparently Rhonda itches. And I was apparently the only one who got Jerry's "well, that's heartbreaking" reference. (I love Jerry, for the record. I know--shut up!)
Anyway, back to the poem. Which I think I remember well enough to paraphrase it for you here. Just picture it being read aloud by a scruffy, unshaven redneck, with a beer belly and no shirt. (I think it got ripped off by the other guy in a fight, but I missed that part.)
R--is for ribs, that you like to eat.
H--is for hot dogs, 'cause you like to eat 'em after the ribs.
O--is for only one for me.
N--is for night, I want to spend with you.
D--is for dairy, 'cause I know you like milk.
A--is for alcoholic, which I have become since you left me.
Isn't that beautiful? I got a little tear in my eye. Rhonda (who I would guess is NOT a vegan) did, too...but then she told him it was over, and then his sister came out, and she and Rhonda pulled each other's hair for a while, and then I went back to work.
I only wish someone would write a poem that beautiful for ME someday. Well, you know...without the carnivorous angle. "L is for lentils." Heh.