Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I might be a wee bit depressed.

I fell asleep on the couch last night pretty early, then woke up around midnight, wide awake, as usual. I stayed on the couch for a couple of hours catching up with Rachel and Keith, since I had rudely fallen asleep on them earlier, and at one point, I thought I heard something outside. However, since I was at the time trapped beneath a living blanket of kitty flesh, I waited for my show to be over, then got up to move to the bed and take a peek outside to see what was up.

There it was, in the road--the lifeless body of a small animal. "Please don't let it be Dolly!" It wasn't, thank goodness, but it was the big orange stray I've seen in and around my yard occasionally, and whom I've always suspected to be related in some way to Dolly and her kittens. I carried him into my yard, wrapped him in a plastic bag, and laid him in the flower bed until the morning, when I could call dead animal pickup. (Wrong time of year to try and bury him in that cold, frozen ground.)

Then I went to bed and started crying. It all seems so futile sometimes...you use the gifts and tools God gave you to cobble together an existence the best you can...and then, for all your pains, you end up dead in the middle of the road, in the middle of the cold, cold night.

Yeah...maybe a tad depressed.

Don't worry, though...the world didn't seem QUITE so bleak come morning. (Does it ever?) The holidays are nearly here and gone. 2008 is nearly gone, and 2009 has got to be better, right? I've got rehearsals starting soon...things will be looking up. The foolishly eternal optimist in me stubbornly refuses to admit defeat. Heh.

So, what else is going on? Well, I've been in the midst of another little flurry of online male attention. I've talked to 3 guys in the last few days. (Plus Obama Guy came to church on Sunday morning to hear me sing...I still think we're destined just to be friends, though.) So, am I optimistic about any of these guys? Not so much.

We've got Guy #1--smart, rabid environmentalist, seems to be a decent guy, but can't get past my many cats. Just can't. Keeps apologizing for it. Eh, I tell him...it happens. Big props for admitting it straight out and not just pulling the old disappearing act. We're still communicating...I think we might become very casual friends. I'm cool with that--we hadn't met in person yet, so I have no reason to think there would have been the necessary physical "spark" anyway, right?

Guy #2--I think he might be certifiably insane. He's done some interesting things, been some interesting places, really REALLY wants to meet me, but...he gave me his number on Friday. I told him I wasn't sure how my weekend would play out, but if I got a chance, I'd call. I got busy and didn't call, but was planning to Monday night. Then I got a very curt email message Monday afternoon suggesting I jump in the ice-cold river. Literally. That was the whole message. I responded with a "well, I WAS planning to call you tonight, but I won't be able to, with my fingers so cold from the icy water." (Hee.) Since then he's been apologizing nonstop, trying to explain how he's just become so jaded from his online experiences, pleading that he's not really like that, and if I would only agree to meet in person, so I could see what a wonderful person he is...blah, blah, blah. Nuts, right? I told him I wasn't comfortable exploring anything further with someone who would so quickly and harshly respond to a potential slight. He's still trying to persuade me. Umm...whatever, dude.

Guy #3--tall, nice-looking, seems smart enough...but wants to know if I would enjoy being sent poetic "erotic stories" from potential suitors, as apparently he's had "mixed reactions" to this in the past. My short answer? "No." My longer answer? Involved also telling him I would most likely post snippets of any such "stories" received on my blog, for the amusement of my friends. Heh.

I know, I know...you're all upset with me for tipping my hand before I got the love poetry to share with you. My apologies.

Alert readers may be wondering what happened to the "Male Me." Well, join the club...he disappeared into the ether, and I have absolutely NO idea why. Asshole. (Unless he's dead...in which case I'm very sorry for calling him an asshole. Don't take that out on my karma, please, universe.)

That's about all that's going on. I have been and still am dealing with car repairs (NO fun, the week before Christmas--goodbye, Christmas bonus), so I think my family may come here on Christmas Day, for the first time ever. Don't know how that will go. I'm trying to imagine us all comfortably enjoying a meal in my tiny house, with its limited seating...maybe we'll just eat out. What's open on Christmas, anyway?

I did receive a nice package of goodies from New Guy today. I got a little misty, until I opened the card. "Fondly, New Guy." FONDLY? I know he is trying not to lead me on in any way, but geez. For the record, I boldly signed HIS card, "Love, Liz." Heh. Still, it's nice to know he still thinks of me. FONDLY.


3carnations said...

Chinese restaurants are open Christmas day. Surely you watched the Christmas story? We actually ordered in Chinese takeout for lunch last Christmas, then cooked the lasagna for dinner.

Ice cold river guy? Um, yeah, that has unstable written all over it. No matter how many times he apologizes, I would steer clear. Props to you for being too busy to call him on the weekend anyway.

Sorry New Guy's card was so...Grandmotherly. Maybe it's the "in" way to sign a card now? If it happened more often, would it make you feel better?

3C :-)

nancypearlwannabe said...

I'm very sorry about the cat but your Bachelor stories made me snort so loud Chris came to investigate.

Happy holidays! Please don't jump into any icy rivers!

georgeious said...

chinese is a good idea, and you know what else is open? indian food! yep, they truly are open every single day of the year last time i checked.

i like to sign my cards "as ever" becasue it's a nice catchall to identify me with every facet of my psychotic personality. but that's just me.

p.s. i think my pill is actually working. funny thing... want one?

Stinkypaw said...

Sorry you had to pick up a dead kitty, not a good start to any day.

I know your Bachelors' stories are not meant to make us laugh, but they did... sorry. Also sorry you're going through such a rough patch wit the dating game.

Have yourself a very merry Christmas & can't wait to read about your Christmas with your many cats and relatives in the small house! ;-)

flurrious said...

Oh, poor kitty. I always feel very depressed too when I see an animal that's been injured or killed.

"Fondly" isn't great, but it could have been worse. He could have signed it "Yours Truly" (and spelled it "Turly").

lizgwiz said...

3car, hee! I give you an "A" for effort. I'm fond of you, too. :)

npw, I will gladly stay away from icy cold water this holiday season. ;)

george, I would love that, as you know, but my family? Not so adventurous, culinarily speaking. Sigh.

stinky, I'm glad they made you laugh--they made me laugh, too...gotta keep that sense of humor intact!

flurrious, oh, he would never misspell a word like that...his ability to communicate in whole, consise, well-spelled sentences was one of the first things that drew me to him. Sigh.

Sparkling Cipher said...

Please stay away from Guy #2. Anger issues! You deserve much better than that. My SIL just broke up with someone like that and we are soooo glad. It's only a matter of time before he explodes over something minor. I mean, explodes more seriously than just telling you to jump in the river.

Anonymous said...

Your bachelor stories made me really glad I don't date anymore. Wow.

I once found a bird that hit our window and landed in the dog's drinking water. He (she?) died in my hands and I sobbed forever and wrote a depressing poem to capture the moment forever. So I totally get crying over the dead cat. That is very sad.

Stefanie said...

"Fondly"?? Oh man. No wonder you're depressed. If it makes you feel any better, I'm in an end-of-year funk myself... brought on by several things, I'm sure, but most notably the similar disappearance of a guy I thought I could actually like. :-( (By the way, you can officially hate him now. I suppose I should have given you the green light to do so from the start.)

Stefanie said...

P.S. I went out for Chinese food with my family on Christmas day. A new tradition? Perhaps.