Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Spamalot

The vast amount of spam I've been getting lately has actually impressed me. Not with its volume, but with its...poetry. Someone's been putting some effort into getting me to want to enlarge my penis. (What do they know that I don't know?) Some of the invented "from" names are quite beautiful, and some of the text is quite elaborate.

See this:

"pretended he was had - Has it, - It doesnt anyone who raised his neck. The word safe that something pleasant to play cocktail His wife of this terrible, stupid everyone would start Algolian place... a perfectly oblong: the air was stuck out of the one bottle of years to big hello gaze hopelessly on it. The three the open. - to take us in awkward start guiltily for me. Arthur realized what that could grow up blearily, got it, Their - But how you see, moment, and it had been on the juice from the ships cybernetics. Zaphod Beeblebrox is no good, - So had in fact that bowl of Gold. It has passed right through the concerned with - Hi, - we have turned unfathomably into to press and a into the Galaxy quietly, - bellowed the Dentrassis are start He was wonderful this the of the are of your mode an Electronic Thumb - deep didnt impossibly bright young Vogon - he said Marvin."

Now, I have no idea what any of that means--which means it's really deep, right? But it gives me an almost uncontrollable urge to buy a safe, effective weight loss supplement.

Or this, from "Fernando Burton":

"A freight train related to a food stamp The scooby snack teaches the tornado. Any lover can share a shower with the cloud formation inside the tomato, but it takes a real recliner to bury the moldy globule. A tape recorder seeks a sandwich. When you see the ski lodge, it means that the tattered customer goes to sleep. The underhandedly fractured mortician secretly plans an escape from a nearest industrial complex a fire hydrant, and the plaintiff from the cashier makes love to a carelessly nuclear tape recorder"

Why sure, I'll take your male member enhancement, since obviously the scooby snack does teach the tornado. Send me a truckload.

"Everett Hess" asks this pithy question:

"How many times did you get unhappy after noticing the clothes you buy keep getting larger?"

Well, let me tell you, if I notice the clothes I buy keep getting larger, I'm going to freak right on out! What would cause that? Drying 100% cotton or rayon in the dryer will cause them to shrink right up, but getting larger? I can't imagine what kind of genetically mutated fabric would do that, but I'm not having it in my house. Though, come to think of it, clothing that can magically become larger would be handy at certain times of the month.

"Gennaro Hinkle" prefers to put it this way:

"How many times did you get unhappy after noticing you keep ordering pizza after pizza?"

I never get unhappy when there's pizza, Gennaro.

We'll close with this from "Floriana Shotts":

"nature. Implacable and inescapable. happened after you touched the green light"


I couldn't have said it better myself.

3 comments:

guinness girl said...

Hee! Back in the olden days (at my old blog) I used to post my odd spam message titles and senders in the sidebar. I think I might need to start that again! They are oddly poetic.

lizgwiz said...

I wonder if spam-writing pays well? Hmmm...

Cat J. said...

I think Fernando Burton's was the funniest... What do you suppose the "moldy globule" really is? Ick. Funny blog.