Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Life changes

Or not.

First, let's talk facebook. Yes, it's kind of fun; no, it hasn't changed my life. I've gotten a couple of nice messages from people I haven't seen in a while, so that's good. I searched my high school graduating class, and discovered that, on the whole, we're not particularly hip. Only six of my roughly 250 class members have profiles. A couple I didn't even know. I sent "friend" requests to two, including the guy I had a HUGE crush on in junior high and high school. And yes, that made me FEEL like a junior high girl. ("Omigod, what if he doesn't "friend" me back?")

Now, we did have a very (very) casual friendship in our post-graduation days, before he moved away, and our mothers generally keep us vaguely aware of each other's lives (in that small town "everybody's mother still knows everybody's mother" kind of way), so it's not like I haven't seen him since high school. I saw him and his siblings out dining together in Hometown a few years ago, and was struck with this thought: "I think he's probably gay."

Well, it turns out I'm right, and this is interesting for a couple of reasons. A) it proves my fag hag tendencies go back even further than I thought! and B) out of three siblings, two are now openly gay (one male, one female). (The youngest boy is married with children, but truthfully, he's the one I would have pegged first if I was listening to my gaydar.) Genetics, methinks? And both the gay children were really good athletes back in the day...which enforces one stereotype (lesbians are athletic) and counteracts another (all gay boys love musical theatre and showtunes).

And none of that really has anything to do with anything, I just thought it was interesting. You may beg to differ. Heh.

What else is going on? Nothing, really...just inching ever closer to giving up on dating. By which I suppose I mostly mean "giving up on internet dating," but really...what other kind is there anymore?

Seriously--where do people of a certain age meet, if not online? Once you stop meeting people through school, and age out of the bar-hopping lifestyle...what are the options? I can't even remember the last time I met an available man in "real life."

Work? I don't meet guys through my work. And I work for a very small company, so there's not exactly a dating pool of co-workers, either, if I did want to "shit where I eat," so to speak. I have exactly one single male co-worker, and despite our constant barrage of off-color jokes, well...he's more like a brother, I guess. A sometimes aggravating brother, with polar opposite political views from mine, who likes to stand behind the bathroom door and bang it when you come out, hoping to elicit a small shriek, but whom nevertheless can always be counted on to help with lawn mowing and the lifting of heavy furniture when needed. But even if I could put aside all that, I could never date a man who refers to his ex-wife as "lardass" and "butterball" on a regular basis. No one who uses that kind of language is ever getting an upclose look at MY ass. Heh.

Church? Well, not so far. It's a very small church, and before you all start chiming in unison with "but what about Cute Church Guy?" let's just put the kibosh on that. CCG was never anything more than a silly fantasy. I have NO reason to think that he is in any way attracted to me, or ever will be. And, since he's pretty much the only single guy there, I think church is not an option for meeting someone. Oh sure, I could go to a bigger church, I suppose...but selecting a church based on the number of possible single guys in attendance...well, that seems a bit sleazy, doesn't it?

Extracurricular activities? Possible, I suppose...but I've been doing theatre and making music with mostly the same people for the last 20 years, so I think all those possibilities were tapped out long ago. (And yes, of course, some "tapping" was done. Hee.) I suppose I should try "taking classes," isn't that what "they" say? Well, I do consider that occasionally, but the classes I think I might find interesting don't seem rife with dating possibilities. I single guys take pottery or stained glass classes? Maybe so...but it certainly doesn't seem like they would do so in droves, and it might take a drove or two for me to find one I like. (Yes, I'm picky. That's not going to change.)

Blind dates arranged by friends? Well, it's been years since any of my friends even attempted to fix me up. I don't know if they've given up on me, just don't know any single guys, or just don't want to inflict me upon the single guys they do know! (What's up with that, friends?)

While shopping? Seriously, dating columnists love to advocate meeting guys at the grocery or hardware stores. But does that really happen? Should I try to flirt in the assorted hardware aisle: "Oh hey...I'm looking for a screw. Could you help me out with that?" (And should that be accompanied by the batting of eyelashes or not?) The last guy who asked me for advice in the produce aisle was an elderly widower needing help with brussels sprouts, and while I very much wanted to go home with him and cook his sprouts, I mean that in only the most literal way. ( made me want to cry. He was so completely at a loss. Sniff.) I'm pretty sure that any single guy who sees me in the grocery store is going to run the other way, spreading the word as he goes: "Hey, guys--a woman in her 40s with a cart full of cat food and Lean Cuisines on aisle 4---scram!"

Are there options I'm missing? I'm not going to meet a guy on my couch watching TV, I know...but I'm open to suggestions. Do you have any? Suggestions, I mean. Or guys, too, I suppose. Do you have any of those? Send them my way. Hee.


Anonymous said...

Seriously if I was to go back out I would try a big church first as some place I went to on Wednesday nights or on Bible Study night. I would go to the church I liked on Sunday.

Then I would do online like eHarmony.

But most of all I would try to get involved in some sort of hobby club like photography or continuing ed.

I think for women being able to network with other women is pretty good.


Stinkypaw said...

I've been lucky in meeting men at sport related activity, like karate (where I met Hubby), or paint ball or horse backriding... May not be things that interest you, but... and I had one friend who did stained glass while he was single, so you never know. I was told yesterday by a yoga teacher that there aren't many men in yoga classes. Maybe take a break and come back in the Fall "refreshed" and maybe the options will have refreshed as well...

-R- said...

I would totally set you up with any cute single guys I know in Oklahoma, but unfortunately I don't know anyone who meets that description.

I feel like I know a lot of cool single women, but no cool single men. Weird.

Noelle said...

I think you covered all the bases as far as meeting guys... I'm also convinced that there are more single women than men in the world, although that math doesn't work out properly.

The good news is that you only need to find one guy. I'm a believer in "it will happen when you least expect it" which is probably why I've done nothing proactive in weeks.

Anonymous said...

Facebook is the drive-by shootings of communication. There you go, bang-bang-bang, now you're gone. It sucks precious time out of my day. Just say no.

We should start a fag hag club, 'cept I can't find any in Austin that want to my gay husbands.

Where to meet boys after a certain age? Got me, I met mine in a bar. I am anti-meeting people in grocery stores and gyms, though. I hold firm to the idea of being introduced by friends or by joining interests groups.

Sauntering Soul said...

I have no advice for you either. I met Hot Brazilian on line but I was on there a lot longer than I care to admit and had to go out with a ton of losers before I met him.

I only know five guys in Oklahoma but 2 of them are uncles and they're married to my aunts, 2 of them are married to my cousins, and one of them is still in high school. One of my other cousins is in the same boat you are: she's been looking and looking and having absolutely no luck.

The dating pool is no better here in Atlanta if it makes you feel better.

Melliferous Pants said...

Meeting guys blows. The last guy I met (through where else, the internet!) ripped my heart out of my chest before throwing it in my face. I've been on a "break" from internet dating...well, DATING, period.

I'm returning to school which is supposed to be a great way to meet normal places, at least. Since living in Utah for the past year I've mostly met a lot of religious people with completely opposite views of everything I find important. Plus they're all babies! Waiting for their mission calls or engagements and community college is like a creepy holding tank for them before they start amassing their own family and popping out babies. The guys I've gone out with have been ASTOUNDED that I'm 32, have never been married and have no kids. I've heard, "What do you mean you haven't been married? Not even once?" NOT EVEN ONCE.

Let me know if you find the magic answer. I'm gonna need it.

gorillabuns said...

Honestly, I don't know how to meet guys. Luckily, I knew Rich in high school but otherwise, I sucked big time doing the dating scene.

lizgwiz said...

knot, FYI, for me eharmony has been the least useful. (And most expensive.) I suppose I could visit another church occasionally, but I really don't want to explain why I only come now and then--I'm looking for guys! Hee.

stinky, yeah...I think there will be a break, whether it refreshes or not! ;)

-r-, me, too. Lots of cool single women friends...very few men. I'm going to say that's because women have the sense to snap up the cool guys...and the reverse is not always true. Hee.

noelle, the last time I tried the "I'm not going to try" system, I was rewarded with 8 years of celibacy, so...there's GOT to be a better way! I don't want to be celibate again--I'm at my sexual peak! (It's true, girls...look forward to your 40s.) ;)

coconut, I could help you out with your fag hag dilemma if you were in the DFW area...but I don't know anyone in Austin, I'm afraid. We need to start!

ss, do your uncles or cousins have single male friends? You're not even trying here! :)

pants, maybe you can get a crush on a professor! Of course, they're probably all married. Sigh.

lizgwiz said...

gbuns, you snuck in on me. If it suddenly occurs to you that you know single men in this half of the state, let me know. ;)

Stefanie said...

I have pondered all of these same things, so if you get any useful suggestions, let me know.

I've always thought the grocery store suggestion was ridiculous, too, and I have the same problem as you with classes... people say to do things you enjoy and you'll find other people who enjoy those things. But when I take classes on things I enjoy, they're not the things that draw lots of men. (Yoga, pottery, etc.) Maybe if I only had an interest in metal shop!

3carnations said...

Have you asked your friends if they have any prospects for you? Maybe they assume you are happy with the status quo. (not that you aren't, but you are open to the idea of a new status quo...)

Tony B. Loney said...


I, for one, think Facebook is a wonderful thing--if one is judicious in its usage. You can quickly and easily post photos, which is by far the best thing about it. And people tag you, so you get to look at yourself a lot. And what could be better than that? Okay, you might be frightening in some pix, but isn't that part of the fun? I like the term "drive-by shooting," though.

Oh, and as far as the dating thing goes, what would I know about straight guys? Most of the ones I know are in theatre--which makes them cool with their masculinity--but they've usually been snapped up by some lucky actress. Or their gay, but are too young to come to terms with it, and you wouldn't want babies, anyway. Why am I writing this? I talk to you on the phone almost everyday?

And if Facebook is the drive-by of communications in taking up precious hours, what would that make blogging? I know, I know, lots of friends from throughout the country and the world.

I answered my own question. How rare for me.

Awesomely yours...

Tony B. Loney said...

And I spelled "they're" wrong. Also, I am making a photo album of you on Facebook at this very moment.

"Be afraid. Be very scared."

(also, my use of the word "Awesome" was completely facetious, as you know how I hate the word in that context. As in, you are "awesome."
Really? Like a view from the Grand Canyon? That's awesome. People are not "awesome." Seven wonders of the world--awesome. Someone doing something nice for you. Nice, but not awesome.--CAN YOU SAY TANGENT? 'Cause I just went off on one.)

Blog replies are awesome.

Tony B. Loney said...

And I spelled "they're" wrong. Also, I am making a photo album of you on Facebook at this very moment.

"Be afraid. Be very scared."

(also, my use of the word "Awesome" was completely facetious, as you know how I hate the word in that context. As in, you are "awesome."
Really? Like a view from the Grand Canyon? That's awesome. People are not "awesome." Seven wonders of the world--awesome. Someone doing something nice for you. Nice, but not awesome.--CAN YOU SAY TANGENT? 'Cause I just went off on one.)

Blog replies are awesome.

nancypearlwannabe said...

"I'm looking for a screw" just made me laugh out loud.