Friday, April 25, 2008


Well, I've made it to Friday, so...there's that.

Still suffering the remains of the sciatica. Damn, it's annoying. Every time I think I'm almost done with it, it comes back to kick me in the ass. Literally. The pain originates in my right butt cheek. And the outside of my right foot has been numb for, what..almost four weeks now? No fun. It is better, I'm not saying it's not better. It's just not GONE. I'm no longer twisted into a pretzel, and instead of feeling like I'm sitting on a bag of walnuts, I feel more like I'm sitting on..a pencil. Still annoying, but not AS bad. I'm getting a renewal of one of my prescriptions today--my old standby Aleve just wasn't quite cutting it--and maybe that will help me kick it for good. I really, really need to start doing some workouts and yoga, but I don't want to worsen anything. Hopefully it will all resolve soon, and I can get a decent night's sleep again. (It's hard to spend the entire night in the one comfortable position I've found--I like to turn periodically, and when I do...ouch.)

So, that's how I'm feeling physically, how am I feeling emotionally? Sad? Bereft? Heartbroken? Do you like any of those?

New Guy officially accepted a job offer yesterday. He'll be living much closer to his kids, but about 4 hours away from here. (In a town in which I have some old college friends living, coincidentally.) So, you're least she has the rest of this school year and part of the summer with him, right? Well...maybe not. We don't know for sure yet, but there' s a chance one of his kids might be coming to live with him, week. Long story, not mine to tell, but I'm a little worried about how this is going to turn out. Worried for the kid, mostly, and New Guy. Of course, it sucks that my time with him will be, at the very least, incredibly curtailed, if this happens, but I really just don't want it to be traumatic for either of them. He'll know more after the weekend.

So, I stayed over at his house last night, and this morning we had our heartfelt "just in case this is our last chance to really talk" talk. If I think about it too much, I'll start crying again, but it was very sweet. Of course, I still might see him occasionally, even with his son in town, but there won't be any more "overnighters," obviously. Sigh.

Coincidentally, we met exactly 8 months ago today.

When I left his house this morning, it was raining. When I got to my side of town, the sun was out and the sky was blue. I'm trying to turn that into some sort of optimistic metaphor. But mostly I'm just sad.

I did tell him that if he realizes, once he's gone, that he can't live without me, he knows where to find me, and he had the good grace to at least pretend to consider it. I mean...there was no laughing in my face or a horrified outburst of "aw, hell no." Heh.

Okay, now I'm going to get to the task that Sauntering Soul has challenged me to, and spend a little while looking for pictures of actors that make me hot. That should be good fun, no?


3carnations said...

Oh. I'm sorry. Both about the back pain and about the New Guy pain.

Noelle said...

Jeez that sounds frustrating, on so many levels.

Stefanie said...

Aw man. I'm no relationship expert, obviously, but it definitely does not seem like this is the place you should be, eight months in. I'm sorry New Guy isn't stepping up. I'm hoping the best for you, whatever that may be.

lizgwiz said...

3car, yeah, it all sucks.

noelle, frustrating is a good word for it.

stef, I think, actually, that he stepped up as much as he could. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses for him, but he is still pretty scarred from his divorce, he had a VERY tough year, and I always knew he'd move closer to his kids if he could, so it's not like he slipped that in on me. I was hoping for a miracle, I guess. Sigh. He does, at least, appreciate the many ways in which I've been there for him, though...he made that abundantly clear this morning. I guess that's something. Sigh again.

gorillabuns said...

I do believe the rain turning into sunshine is a sign. A POSTITIVE sign that you are moving from a sad situation to one of more clarity, happiness and birds chirping a happy tune outside your damn window kind of change!

Sauntering Soul said...

I'm so sorry Liz. All of that just sucks.

I keep thinking this is all happening to free you up for something even better down the road a bit.

Big hugs to you.

lizgwiz said...

gorillabuns, I sure hope so! (Of course, mere moments after I wrote that post, the sky turned incredibly gray, so...sigh.)

ss, I hope you (and gorillabuns) are right. That's what I keep trying to tell myself. It HAS to be my turn to be happy eventually, doesn't it?

L Sass said...

What disappointing news with New Guy. SUCKS seems to be the right word to me.